2013 year end review

All I keep thinking about today is how last year on New Years Eve the husband and I stayed home and dance partied our way into 2013. We made delicious snacks, drank champagne, and had a party for 2 in our little Dallas apartment living room. We had no idea I was about 2 weeks pregnant and that the impending new year of 2013 would be our biggest, most challenging, and greatest year ever. Nope, we just drank cheap champagne from the bottle and enjoyed our sweet ignorance.

This year brought in so many adventures. Just 15 days after our living room NYE party I found out I was expecting our little Owen. We were already working on our house. The husband started a new job shortly after the new year. I moved jobs too, and now I've quit that job. Not to mention we moved to the suburbs, had a baby, and are now parents of an almost 4 month old. I also had a little scare with the whole breast lump biopsy, which thankfully was nothing. All in all, it was a crazy year.

We're planning a somewhat similar New Years Eve as last year. We will be home, having a pajama party with our little family of 3. There might be champagne, there better be dancing, and I hope we can make it to midnight.

I have many hopes for 2014. But, if 2013 has proved anything...it's that you can't plan, you can't imagine, you just have to let it happen.

Owens 1st Christmas!

It's his first everything! First Christmas, road trip, first night away from home, first time to meet several relatives, first time to meet Santa, and first time to get sick.

Owen woke up Christmas Eve with a nasty cough :-( he was choking and hacking. Poor thing, he's been attacked by phlem. I think it was the drastic climate/allergen change from north Texas to south Texas. His first morning at Nonni and Pawpaws, and he felt yucky. But even though he is kind of sickly, he is still smiling and cooing. We are so in love with the personality he is starting to show us. He's the best!

I'm a (temporary) quitter.

I am officially unemployed. I quit my job. This was my 5th school year teaching with Vista Academy. But, my husband and I decided that I should take some time out of my own classroom and work part time as a substitute teacher. I'll still be working 3-5 days a week. It will be so great to have extra time with Owen and not have to worry about lesson plans, parents, or staff meetings. But man, I am scared! My entire career goal since I was in high school was to become a kindergarten teacher. I met my goal, and now I quit. It's scary to give up a steady paycheck. Scary to wonder if anyone will hire me after taking a semester or longer off.

Grandparents on my side and my husbands side don't understand why I'm working at all. They think I should just be a mom. Work is for husbands. Well I'd love nothing more for that to be possible, but it's just not. They don't get it.

Luckily, whether I'm working full time or part time, we have a great babysitter. The husbands Grandma is retiring and comes over to stay with our Owen when I have to work. She loves him, and he loves her too. And she may or may not have done some of our laundry the other day (jackpot!)... We really love that even though I can't be a stay at home mommy. We have family that is more than willing to help out. Maybe one day I'll get to stay home and then she will get to be the quitter!

Cheers to unemployment...sort of. Not really. Kinda.

P.A.W. -Pump At Work

The lovely view of the ceiling in the closet I pump in at work. It's a little scary in here, but I may breastfeed forever because I love the break time! Usually I don't get any breaks at all.

"the reason for the season"

No, I'm not talking about Jesus. Not exactly anyway. But, I am talking about the bigger, better way to celebrate. Owen is almost 3 months old-he will never remember this years' Christmas. He does not need toys. When people ask "what does Owen want from Santa?" I say, "nothing." Because for 1, I don't think spoiling my child is how you show love, 2 he has no clue it's christmas time, and 3 I don't want my house full of pointless toys. I said this before I even got pregnant. People told me I'd change my mind...guess what? I feel even more strongly about this than ever. But now, not only does my 3 month old need nothing (other than milk and love)...when he's older I already have new traditions in mind. Traditions that will celebrate more than getting gifts or wanting "things." I want to donate, volunteer for those in need, and I want to limit the materialistic wants. (I feel old to say this but,) too many kids these days are too self involved and spoiled. I will buy my child toys...I'm not evil. I just want to LIMIT the toys. I read a blog post that I came on Facebook. The writer does a 3 gift limit with her kids. Something they want, something to wear, and something they need. I think I'll add something to read and a gift from Santa, and still do stocking stuffers. He will still get gifts from grandparents, aunts, and uncles. He'll have gifts...he won't be neglected. My mom thinks I'm crazy. 

Not my fault!

Since I was a kid I was told I was a bossy control freak...mostly by my mom, and a few teachers. Thanks mom. I found a career that being this way isn't such a bad thing. Teachers have to control the chaos and "boss" around small kids (in a loving way). Well...then I left for 11 weeks and all hell broke loose. Everything thing from where the crayons belong to a flipping lesson plan went out the window. These 18 little people learned 1 thing while I was gone- "when I'm at school, I do whatever the F I want" including steal all the school supplies. Seriously, every kid was given a ziplock with 24 crayons before I left, and now not one kid has any! Ummm...did they eat them? WTF

The sub told me that she "didn't make no copies." ...umm I'm sorry does that mean you completely disregarded my 3 inch perfectly organized by weekly dividers binder? Yes...that's exactly what it means. The first semester of kindergarten is usually when the kids "get it" and they know the routine, they know how to work, they can do things on their own. Well thanks to my sub, my kids learned non of that and they do NOT "get it."

I am 50 lessons behind in every subject, they've done no phonics or guided reading. How in the hell do I recover from this? What a great freaking welcome back to work....

Refer to previous blog post...can I please be a stay at home mom now? 

 So, when these kids can't read or write a complete sentence by May...it's not my fault.

Dreams

Even though I went to college, graduated, and started a career as a teacher. Even got a job teaching the level I had always wanted to teach and I think I'm even pretty good at my job. It's not my dream. I always dreamt of being a housewife/stay at home mom. I want to be the mom who bakes cookies on a Tuesday just because. I want to volunteer at my kids school and be in the PTO. I want to have dinner ready for my husband when he gets home. You know, the cliche all American life. That's what I dreamt of. I hate that because of something as stupid as money, it's not possible. I find myself so jealous of stay at home moms. It's my dream job. And it's not one you can buff up your resume and interview for. You can only get that job if you already had enough money to make it work. I don't need much. I don't shop like a lot of women do. I don't get my hair done, or do anything extravagant. I'd love to do those things, of course. Who wouldn't? But it's not the life style I've ever had. My husband doesn't do fancy things either. But this isn't about spending habits. It's about a life that should be attainable. My husband and I both wish I could stay home with Owen. Let's be honest...he wants dinner ready when he gets home too. He works hard, he's a great teacher. When will teachers be respected enough to get paid a salary that could support a family? There are so so many things wrong with this. 

I've cried (and I'm not usually a crier) so much just because I don't get to stay home with him. The last day of my maternity leave is tomorrow. I'm devistated.

What I've learned about being a new mom

I've been a mom for 2 months. It feels like forever and it feels like only seconds. 

#1 Anyone who has a baby is an expert. BUT no one (except me and the hubby) is an expert on MY baby. I heard that to be a new parent you have to learn to take unwanted advice graciously. That was the best advice I've gotten. I've become a pro at in-one-ear-and-out-the-other listening. Just smile and nod and hold back from saying "I'm glad that worked for you, but my kid is not your kid."

I ask for advice when I want it.

#2 Watching your baby get shots and crying bloody murder is harder than labor. 

#3 Hormones are the devil.

#4 Breastfeeding is an absolutely amazing thing to do. It's great for baby and mom. But it's also an extremely lonely task. A task that takes hours and hours of everyday...alone. It's the biggest responsibility I've ever had and it's hard. 

#5 Learn to say no. Friends will still invite you to parties, or to go out. But it's not always practical. For one, I'm broke from doctor bills, and two I have a baby. No, I can't meet you for drinks at 8pm. Some people have a harder time learning this than others. No, I don't want to get a babysitter to go out all night...refer to #4-I have a baby to feed or my boobs will leak everywhere.

#6 Showering doesn't happen everyday.

#7 Owen technically sleeps through the night. (since about 5 weeks) We aren't sleep deprived, and YES, WE KNOW WE'RE LUCKY! :)

#8 Keep your toddlers hands off my baby! And their face out of his face! I've spent way too much time with kindergarteners to believe they have clean hands. Hand sanitizer isn't always enough...

#9 You'll fight with your husband because your tired, hormonal, feeling alone, feeling unsupported, feeling sad, feeling like anything other than yourself. While you're getting to know your new baby, you have to get to know yourself as this new person you've become.

#10 This is the best "club" I've ever joined. Being a mom is something I knew I'd be sometime in my life, but I never knew what it'd be like. I can't wait for a few others to join the mom club. I know some amazing ladies that will make absolutely incredible moms. Their future children are already lucky. The one thing moms want is for everyone else to experience the chaos, and the greatness of having a baby to call yours. 

Benign!

The results are in! My breast lump is a benign fibroadenoma. Thank goodness! All I could think of before getting the results is how much time I would have to spend in doctor appointments or recovering from procedures and I'd miss Owen too much.

That is all :) happy happy Wednesday!

The New Normal

A year ago the hubby and I were living in our city apartment enjoying happy hours within walking distance and spending Sundays in bed. We were also, sort of kind of, trying to get pregnant. The point is, we had very few responsibilities. Pay bills, go to work, have fun- that was it. We knew it then, but we really really know it now, that those were our last days like that. We love our house, our son, and we will eventually get to a new normal and fall in love with that too. But right now, it's hard. I'm being selfish probably. I miss impromptu dates with my husband, wandering from store to store, and coming and going as I please. Being a new parent is hard, breastfeeding takes up hours and hours of everyday, and I think I'll eventually get used to the revolving door attached to our house (visitors). I know everyone wants to see our amazing little creation, I know.

Today brought another not so normal event. I had a biopsy done on a tumor in my right breast. The procedure was simple. I was awake, it took only 30 minutes. Not a big deal. They did a guided needle biopsy, and took 3 samples. It was not painless, they started before I was numb and I bled a lot. I got really lightheaded. It just wasn't fun. My boob hurts! Luckily I have leftover codeine from delivering Owen.

I've had the tumor since 2009 and had it checked out every 6 months with no changes and the doctors were never concerned. They say it's probably a fibroadenoma, which is a benign tumor. But then, it grew and appeared different on my ultrasound last week. So the biopsy is just to be safe. I'll have results by Friday. 

Twenty-eight

I deposited my $28 check from my grandma this morning. Every year I get a check in the amount that matches my age. Perk to getting older?

I think I might have forgotten all about my birthday if other people didn't say anything. I just can't get into it. However, my mom and nana are in town and I was sent away to enjoy alone time. I got a manicure and bought a dress for a wedding I'm going to in a few weeks. I was bored the whole time. Someone please slip me a happy pill.

I had my 6 week checkup yesterday and another doctor appointment. Neither were fun, and I have to go back on Monday.... Hopefully it's nothing.

Here's a cute picture of me and my beautiful widdle boy at the pumpkin patch last weekend  :)

Momma's a Party Pooper

We went to a wedding last night. It was beautiful. The flowers, the decorations, the food, the band, the open bar... It was great. I bought a new dress, wore heals for the first time in forever. Me and the husband were looking good. My parents had Owen. The night was ours! But I felt so out of place. Like, "why am I here?, I should be home with my baby." I didn't drink much because I felt like that was a waste of breast milk. I even bought those little test strips to test my milk for alcohol. But it just feels like a waste. Feeding Owen feels much more important than a few drinks. I just couldn't shake the feeling, which turned me into the Worlds Lamest Date. The husband and I usually dance like crazy fools all night at stuff like that. But I just couldn't get into it. The 2 drinks I had were making my stomach swim, and my feet were killing me.

I hope it was just because it was our first time out...I don't want to be a party pooper forever. Maybe I just wasn't ready? We have another wedding in late November, maybe I'll be ready to have fun by then. 

Owen's 1 Month Old

Owen likes bright lights, cuddling in the morning and evening, bath time, and eating. He hates diaper changes, and putting on clothes.

His longest stretch of sleep was 7 1/2 hours!!! He has a big smile! He is still wearing newborn size clothes and diapers...but not for too much longer I don't think. He now weighs 8 pounds 7.4 ounces and is 20 inches. He's in the 14th percentile.

We can't wait to see him smile on purpose and hear him laugh.

Baby Body

I read a lot when I found out I was pregnant about just how much is a healthy amount to gain. I think most twenty-something age women freak out about that-at least for their 1st pregnancy. So 15-20 pounds is what I planned and expected to gain. I luckily stayed within those limits. I didn't do anything extreme. I didn't workout throughout my pregnancy and I didn't starve. I ate a ton of fruit and veggies and healthy fats. And lots of ice cream and junk food. When your pregnant and need queso, you eat queso! But, I know that the reason I didn't gain too much is because I never stopped. I wish I would have rested more, but I never stopped. My entire pregnancy was a whirlwind of life. Remodeling a house, moving, teaching, moving a classroom, life was crazier than ever. It wasn't until Owen was born that I stopped and relaxed. Being home with Owen has made me stop, and just be "here". (As if I wasn't enough of a homebody already) I'm so glad our house and everything worked out so perfectly for us. It was a pain in the ass during the process, but it's perfect. We got our house and Owen arrived early to make it a home. My favorite thing is when just the 3 of us are home together as if we've been here all along.

Owen is about a month old and I'm just under my pre-prego weight. I'd like to thank breastfeeding and the crazy amount of water breastfeeding requires you to drink. I feel awesome :)

Pain and Sleepiness

Owen seems to be having gas issues, poor little man is in obvious pain. I can hear the bubbles in his tummy. I went out and bought Colic Calm gripe water after reading and reading and reading tons of stuff online. I gave him a dose yesterday around 3...and he slept until 6:30! Holy jackpot! He was finally able to relax, rest, and umm...toot. I hadn't seen him sleep so deeply in days. Sadly, though I didn't get to take advantage of his long nap and take my own nap because we had guests over to watch football. (Obviously not my shindig) As much as I was dreading having a house full of people, it was nice to have a few hours of normalcy while Owen slept in his Granna's arms for his entire nap. I was only slightly jealous. (lie) I've never wanted to sleep so badly in my life. It's not that we don't get any sleep at all. We just only get 2-3 hours at a time. You know the feeling when you wake up and it feels like only milliseconds have passed...it's like that. So the sleep we are getting isn't restful.

I know, I know...everyone tells us, "it gets better". I know it will eventually. I don't know any kids or adults who wake up crying because they have gas. But, we're living it now! And right now, it kinda sucks. Owen is still a little miracle, and we still love him. We just don't like being awake at 12, 3, 4:30, 6...you get the idea.

Classroom check up: haven't talked to anyone at work yet, and I'm not even worried about it. I still don't want to go back. Not at all.

Week 1- Just me and O

Monday- it started out very sleepy. I stayed up until almost 1:00 trying (unsuccessfully because he was asleep) to feed Owen so that he'd only wake up once during the night before the husbands alarm clock. He woke up at 2:45, 6:00, 8:30, and 11:00. So at least daddy got some good sleep. I think I'm doing pretty well. I've got a new recipe in the crockpot for dinner and I completed 1 sewing project from my do to list. The red beans smell amazing!

Tuesday-the power went out around 7am. So I sit here in the very dim, window lit room feeding Owen by the glow of my cell phone. Oncor says the power should be on by 9. Good reason for a morning nap if you ask me. I can't cook, sew, or shower without electricity. The power came back on, and I had to get on with my day and chores. Owen got plenty of snuggles. We went to my in laws house for dinner. And I almost fell asleep on their couch.

Wednesday-Owen decided he's now a morning person and had his big blue eyes open wide at 6:30am. So we ate breakfast with daddy... Or really I just ate half of his breakfast. He was nice enough to share. Owen sort of slept some more on and off. I think he's having a growth spurt. He is starving every 2 hours to the point of tears and frustration. We went to Hobby Lobby in between feedings (my first outing alone with him!) and got some frames and fabric for some projects. When we got home I fed Owen and myself and we both passed out on the couch for 2 hours! For dinner we got a yummy enchilada casserole from our friends Hilari and Nick-the ones we lived with for 3 weeks. I guess they still like us HAHA.

Thursday-all I can say about today is that I showered before 9AM, and took Owen to the grocery store. Whoa. Just call me Wonder Woman. I also recovered our headboard with the fancy fabric I got yesterday, and started our laundry. Who wants to fold clothes when I can cuddle a widdle baby? Right now he's sleeping on me, and I'm watching the slightly boring premier or Grey's Anatomy....maybe I'm just distracted?

Friday-Owen was again wide awake at 6AM. Which is fine, but now it's 2:20 and he is still awake and refusing to do anything but nurse or be held with his wubbanub paci. We have plans tonight for the husbands birthday so a shower today was mandatory. I put him in his crib and took the worlds fastest shower, and he cried the whole 3 minutes. He was so fussy/mad/gassy all day and never took a nap. He stayed awake until around 8 or 9pm. Not kidding. So unfortunately I had to cancel our plans we had for dinner because Owen was supposed to come with us. There was no way I was bringing him to a restaurant. He'd been crying all day, I may have done a little crying of my own and I just couldn't do it. But, I'm assuming that this is parenthood...canceling fun plans because your kid has taken over. However, since he's been born, the husband and I have not hardly had any time alone with our new addition.

Super Nonni :) My Mom

My parents live 5 hours away. When I moved to Arlington after high school, being 5 hours away from my parents seemed like the greatest thing EVER! Now, 9 years later I've made a life in DFW and having my family so far is really hard. Especially when it comes time for big events like holidays, my wedding, buying our house, being pregnant, and the arrival of Owen. I needed my family here. My mom has a job that allows her to save up a crazy amount of vacation time. She has spent the last 2 full weeks here with me and Owen. The husband stayed home for the first week with us too. It has been great! I really am a first timer when it comes to babies. In the last 2 weeks I've basically spent all day everyday doing something for the first time. Everything from changing a diaper to pushing a stroller...I'd never done it before Owen. Luckily Owen has no idea.

My mom is known as a "busy body". She is extremely efficient. She has done so much laundry, cooking, and cleaning, and all while teaching me how to do all the mommy things. She has made these first 2 weeks as a first time mom so easy. I've had breakfast in bed, gourmet dinners, folded laundry, and help in ways that I can't explain. If it weren't for her being here, the husband and I would have suffered from greasy take out, tears from exhaustion, and we would probably be out of clean underwear.

I'm so glad she was able to come here and spend time with her first grand baby in his first 2 weeks of life. I know he'll never remember it, but I will.

She has to take the 5 hour drive home tomorrow, and then we'll slowly run out of her delicious leftovers and clean underwear. But we'll survive. And hopefully Owen will survive his first bath alone without his Nonni.

Thank you Mom!

Never Ever Leaving

I need to figure out how I'm going to be a stay at home mom.

I'm already devastated that a week of my maternity leave is over. There is no way I can go back to work. So my project over these next 10 weeks will be to figure out a serious budget! I can work park time. But no way Jose can I work full time right now. It's true what I've been told, he'll only be this age once. And I do not want to miss it.

I never thought I'd like breastfeeding. It always kind of creeped me out. I even love breastfeeding. It's one of my new favorite things to do. I love that my body can still nourish him even now that he's outside of my body.

There are so many things people do to make money these days. I'm a college educated woman, I'm sure I'll figure something out. I can always be a substitute teacher if I have to. 

Owens Cool Arrival

The story goes like this...

It was a hot September Sunday. I was sad when I set my 5:45 alarm clock to go to work the next morning. I was over teaching kindergarten while being so pregnant. My parents had come in town Saturday morning because Owen was supposed to come any day and they wanted to be here when it happened. Last week the doctor said "I'd be surprised if you made it a week" so we were all ready, and waiting. I really wanted and needed my parents to be here for it. I couldn't imagine it happening without them close by. Just so happens that my sister is here too!

I spent Sunday like most Sundays. I did laundry, I did chores, went grocery shopping. My mom helped me make 3 casseroles to freeze for when Owen is here. Busy busy day. So after setting my alarm I was exhausted and went to sleep. Around 3:15 or so I woke up to a strange sensation. Like I peed in my sleep. I stood up, nope the bed was dry. Maybe a weird dream? I went to the bathroom to pee for real. I was walking back to bed when I noticed...I was leaking. Is this for real? I paced the bathroom, trying to decide if it was real. And then a small gush...yes this is real. My water broke at 3:30 in the morning in the middle of the night...like in a movie. I went to wake up The Husband. He thought I was waking him up for work...until I started laughing, told him I was leaking and then he witnessed the leaking. I ran to the shower and then GUSH. Wow yes, there's a lot of "water" in there. I wasn't having contractions so we took our time getting ready to go. I put on my makeup, The Husband took a shower. He packed his bag, some snacks, and we were off. I had woken my parents up too and they were not far behind us. We got to the hospital around 4:30 or so. They checked me out and I was 3.5 cm dilated. The contractions were getting more serious. They came out of nowhere. I went from having no contractions at all to having 1 every 1-2 minutes. The people in triage seemed to be moving so slow because I was in such sudden pain. We filled out the paperwork and they got us settled into the room where I would labor and deliver. They set up the monitor on my belly and asked a million questions. The contractions were getting worse. I started getting really nauseous from the pain. Then they had to set up my IV. I've always had bad luck with IVs, and 5 attempts later, I had an IV. Then I got some much needed antinausea medicine. Then they asked about an epidural. I've never been against pain medicine, I just knew I didn't want any pitocin or labor inducing interventions. So they told me that I had until 6:30 to decided on an epidural. That gave me about 45 minutes to decided if I wanted it now or later. Later being around 8:00. As soon as the nurse left the room I knew I couldn't wait. The contractions were literally coming one right after the other. They were so intense that I knew I wouldn't enjoy the delivery if I was in pain like that. So the epidural was ordered. Getting an epidural is scary enough, but getting one while having contractions seems impossible. They were telling me to stay as still as possible, lean forward, shoulders down, round your back, breath, stop moving! I'm not scared of needles but I'm really glad I didn't see that needle. I leaned on to the husband with my feet in his lap, I tried to stay as still as possible as while shaking uncontrollably. It was done, the needle went in, came out, and slowly (too slowly) the pain started to fade. The nurse checked my cervix. She looked me right in the face and said "Oh! Ok, you're at a ten, its time to push. By this time it was maybe 7:30. After that people started moving much faster. Someone came in and set up a delivery table with all sorts of tools, and shiny metal things. Nurses checked my monitors again and again. My doctor was on her way, but it was time to start pushing anyways. Nicolette (my nurse) coached the husband on how to hold my leg back to help me push. I don't think either of us thought he'd be helping like that. I'm so glad he did, I think it made the delivery more real for both of us. So it was just me pushing, the husband holding my left leg, Nicolette holding my right leg, and no one else. I don't know why I'd always pictured a half dozen people in the room. All dressed in scrubs and masks. Movies I guess. So the 3 of us pushed for about 10 minutes and then Dr. Velez came in. She sat on the side of my bed and I continued pushing. The poor husband was seeing WAY more than he had planned. He kept telling me to breath! Just breath! But I was...he wasn't. So then we all had to tell him to breath and relax. And then we laughed at him a little. So, in the middle of the miracle of life, we were cracking jokes. It just seemed so calm and easy. I felt amazing. (Thank you epidural) it was nothing like all the blogs and horror stories I'd heard. It was awesome. So a short 20-30 minutes later, Owen was laying on my chest all covered in that white goop just staring at me. He didnt cry, he coughed a little and just looked around. It was the most amazing thing. I got to feel the cord pulsating before they cut it. The life line that had given Owen everything needed for 38 weeks in my belly. Another amazing moment. Daddy cut the cord, and all I remember is starring at him. Just looking at every tiny detail. He was born at 8:19, less than 5 hours after my water broke. He was 6.47 lbs and 18 inches long. He has fuzzy dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He is awesome.

"One week"

I had an appointment on Friday. My doctor told me that I maybe had 3 weeks, but probably less. Well this morning she changed her mind and says that I *might* make it through ONE more week.

Whaaaat?! Oh my goodness. Yes we have everything we need for him. No I don't think I'll ever be ready. Just like when people tell you if you wait until you're ready to start trying to get pregnant...you'll never do it. If it were up to me he'd come on a certain day and time. And I'd know when. Unlikely.

Over the Labor Day weekend we finished his room. We think it looks awesome. I'm slightly obsessed :-)

I got my craft on pretty hard. I made the pillow, the crib skirt, the blanket, mom made the curtains, and I framed one of my brothers baby outfits. And look how cool these shelves turned out!

Owens nursery is THE only room in our house that is decorated and/or finished. But I'm ok with that. I'm ok with the fact that Halloween, Thanksgiving, and possibly Christmas will not be decorated to my likings in our home. I should probably decorate in general first. Whatever. Don't judge my undecorated-half-empty house.

So back to my ONE WEEK LEFT topic. After my appointment this morning I had to go to work. But I was having trouble getting there. It just feels wrong to spend my last childless moments in a classroom full of crazy kindergarteners. I stopped at Starbucks and sat alone in the quiet and drank coffee and ate a delicious muffin by myself. Do moms get to do that kinda thing? I have no clue. I'm guessing no. You see...Sunday, I had an afternoon of darkness. I couldn't shake the negative thoughts. What if I don't like motherhood? What if my husband forgets about me? What if I can't do it all? What if it's just too hard and blah blah blah. I'm worried. That's normal right? I'm worried about everything! I've emerged from the darkness and gotten back to my it-is-what-it-is attitude. I can only plan so much, some things are just out of my hands. But Owen is not allowed to come on Saturday. Because my doctor will be in Waco for a Baylor game. Any other day is fine. 

No Good Very Bad Day

Day 2 of school means I'm more tired, more frustrated, and more ready for maternity leave.

It was a day full of tantrums, crying, scissor scariness, and shouting. (That might have been from only ONE child)

This year I've adopted some Whole Brain Teaching techniques that I thought would be great. And they are great...or they will be at least.

We do the "class"..."Yes" we do 5 basic rules that we have chants and motions that go along with them that we will review everyday. And we do smileys and frownys. Later I'd like to add in some more. So far it's just chaotic...

It's only the 2nd day, it's only the 2nd day, it's only the 2nd day....

Oh and it turns out there's a water leak somewhere in our yard. So that's happening too. Joy.

Return of the Children

Today was the first day of school. I'm 36 weeks pregnant as of yesterday and I had a class full of first day kindergarteners. I ate lunch at 3:30 and probably sat down a total of 20 minutes the whole school day. Awesome. I think I've had Braxton hicks all day, constantly. My entire stomach feels hard as rock. But, the day went smoothly...as smoothly as a first day can go. I only had 1 crier, and only 1 kid got lost. I mean, I didn't lose him, he went to the wrong class...all day. I'm the only kindergarten class at my school and somehow he ended up in 1st grade. Oops.

Out of the kids who didn't get lost, I certainly had some funny ones.

"Hey teacher, what's wrong with your stomach?"

Another student "There's a baby in there...duh."

First kid "Oh! So are you gonna take it out one of these days?"

...I was speechless.

Every kid at some point "Hey I gotta use it!"

Me "Use what?"

Kid-very puzzled look

Me "the restroom?"

Kid "yeah"

Me "can you think of a question to ask permission to go to the restroom?"

Kid-another puzzled look...and returns to their seat.

Me-"Okay then, let me know if you have any questions"

It's going to be a challenging 3 weeks before I'm out for maternity leave...

In-service Week

I know everything can't be timed out perfectly. But setting up a classroom and working 12 hour days for the first time in months is not fun when you're 9 months pregnant. Somehow I managed to stay awake through the meetings and finish setting up my classroom and make it through a 4 hour meet the teacher night. I have 20 kinder kiddos on my roster, but only 9 showed up to meet me today. I think its kind of sad not to bring your kindergartener to meet the teacher night. I still remember going to meet my 1st grade teacher. I remember telling her that there was no way I would learn how to read, it seemed too hard. Mrs. Moore proved me wrong. She was a great teacher.

The husband and I have been slowly making our house a home. I'm having a hard time decorating though. For one, its expensive. And two, I want all new stuff. But we've also been scrambling to get things ready for school to start. We did make some time to get some important things done...like maternity pictures. I've only seen the sneak peak photos and I love them!

They're by Pamela Rosenthal at the Botanical Gardens in Fort Worth. I can't wait to see the rest!

So I have 1 weekend before school starts and 4 (or less) weekends of not having a child.

And I have about 100 things on my To Do List. I hope all the to do list doing doesn't put me into early labor...

It happened!

We have now slept in our house 3 nights. The renovations aren't finished, but it's a livable home. Our butcher block counters are in and the stain is setting so we can't use them. Its getting a little tricky without the use of counters in the kitchen and bathrooms, but they are beautiful!

Most of our boxes are still in the garage and/or shed. We still have to paint both bathrooms. We have no blinds or curtains on most windows...including the bathroom (yikes!). But we freaking live here! Alleluia!

My mom was in town for my Mansfield shower and so she helped out. In my classroom, our house, sewing curtains, running errands, making me rest, and being amazing! Saturday after Owens fabulous story book theme shower we (my mom) sewed curtains for Owens nursery. Then we finished painting his room, took the glider/rocker chair out of the box, built the crib, bought an awesome dresser for the changing table, and now we almost have a nursery!

It doesn't quite seem real that we live in this giant house, like real grown ups!

Time is Running Out

8.9.13

This school year I'm teaching at a different school. It's closer to our house. I'm not terribly excited about moving schools. Although I'm grateful to get a job at a school that's only 30 minutes away instead of an hour. So yesterday I saw my new room for the first time. I wanted to cry, or scream, or have a panic attack, or a mental breakdown. I didn't do any of those...I was too busy being absolutely speechless. "Where do I begin?" Is all I could think or say. Now, I do not claim to be the most organized person is all parts of my life, but you bet your butt my classroom is kept as organized as possible. This new room....looked like a bomb went off. I left my previous room as clean and orderly as I would have liked to have found it. Why can't this dude (yes, a dude kinder teacher) have done the same. My mom and I spent 3 hours just trying to figure out what was trash and what wasn't. I found state reading test booklets, report cards, and tons of student work...everywhere. First of all, that stuff is supposed to be turned in to the school to be added to the students file. I have no idea what I've gotten myself into. I knew there was meaning when the new principal said "I was sent here to do a clean up."

All I have to do is turn the room into a functioning classroom. It is about 25 hours of labor away from that right now. It's not going to be the cutest, or the most creative, but my God...it will be ready.

We still do not live in our house... We "SHOULD" be able to move in today/tonight/tomorrow.

Owens nursery is not finished...or hardly even started. (Not even done being painted)

My classroom literally gave me nightmares last night.

School starts in 2 weeks.

My 2nd/last baby shower is tomorrow...(and I can't find my curling iron)

And my poor mother is having to stay in a hotel...because WE STILL DO NOT LIVE IN OUR HOUSE!

Owen... If you know what's good for you. You'll stay in my belly as long as possible.

Never remodeling again. Like, ever.

The Husband is on his own dealing with our remodel right now. I'm still out of town from the Houston baby shower. (Finally headed back tomorrow) He's informed me that I'm not allowed to leave alone for this long ever again. I promised him that I never will...because I'm about to have our baby and it won't be a possibility even if I wanted to. Anyway, the house was scheduled to have all the last work done by Wednesday or Thursday...NOPE. (I'm well aware today is Tuesday) The countertops arrived yesterday, (2 weeks late) and the SOB had the nerve to show up without our full order because he forgot, had made incorrect cuts due to his own mistakes, AND broke the piece for our bathroom. Then he told my husband he can come back in the middle of next week. No. Sir, you get your crappy business owning butt back ASAP because you're ruining my life.---Too much?

This countertop is holding up our tile backsplash, plumbing work, and our move in. This man (who is based in Oklahoma) does not seem to have time management skills or the basic concept of keep-the-customer-happy-because-we-pay-your-bills.

So, I feel terrible not being there to help my husband deal with the drama. I know he's handling it, but this stuff is driving us nuts. It's now very obvious that we will be moving into an UNFINISHED house and teacher inservice starts in a week and a half. Awesome.

Deep breaths.

GREAT day :)

This weekend brought many greats. I got to see my sister who lives in Portland, OR (not for much longer)! And I got to spend some time with my family in Houston for Owen's first baby shower. During my shower in Houston, The Husband had his diaper shower back home. So, although I'm having to spend a few too many days away from him, we're both getting to have some fun. It was so great to have a day where instead of house remodeling/drama/craziness or work related stress, the whole day was just for Owen and getting ready for his impending arrival. I've had very little time to devote to baby prep. So today Owen was showered with some necessities and baby essentials, and cute little things that made all the baby shower guests say "cute!" in high pitched sing song voices. It was GREAT. I'm feeling more like a mommy, and less like a lady who just happens to also be pregnant.

A Light in the Tunnel

Our fireplace works! Yahoo! And our bathroom fixtures are in and working, and our flooring is almost halfway done. And maybe we can live here next week! I'd really really love that.

I mean, the house is no where near "done", but it's almost livable. Never thought I'd want to live somewhere so bad that just barely crosses the line to being livable.

Still on the BIG To Do List:

Finish floors

Baseboards

Install appliances (that's important!)

Install TV bracket into stone 

Countertops (bathrooms & kitchen)

Install bathroom sink fixtures

Install new kitchen sink

Bathroom back splashes

Kitchen back splashes

Tile "skirt" around tub

Paint a gazillion things

Install master closet rods/shelves

Obviously most of these things are being done by trained and qualified professionals. The rest are being done by a couple of teachers who watch too much HGTV and the DIY network.

And no we aren't technically homeless. We don't sleep in our cars or under bridges. We sleep in our amazing friends guest room in the wonderful A/C. They even let us eat popcorn in bed. Or maybe they don't know about that.

Pregnant & homeless

The keys to our apartment have been turned in and our house is NOT ready.

Yesterday was move-all-our-stuff day. We moved everything to our garage and shed. There were huge plans for our house yesterday: plumbing fixtures would be installed, fireplace would be hooked up and stonework completed. Plumbing was a huge thing! Because that meant we would have toilets! I'm pregnant, I need toilets. We've been working on painting in the evenings and I just can't hold it forever! However...none of those things happened at the house yesterday. The bathroom grout wasn't dry so the fixtures didn't go in, the brand new shower head was broken, and the gas line for the fireplace isn't working so the stonework did not get done. So we get back to the house with our loaded up U-haul to see all of the amazing things that were supposed to be done. And we were slapped with disappointment.

Today was clean-apartment-and-turn-keys-in day. And also it was basically a do over for the lack of work that was done at our house yesterday. So now we have toilets, a shower head, and a beautiful stone fireplace...that doesn't work. Not sure what's up with that gas line. I'm a teacher, not a gas line worker. BUT they also started the wood flooring today! So yes, maybe the end is nearing and we will get to live there sometime soon. Until then, I am pregnant, and we are homeless homeowners.

It's move in week!

Six months ago when we started leasing our house we had all these amazing dreams about the cool things we'd do to our house (now that we own it). Well on Thursday (4 days from now) we have to turn in our keys to our apartment and officially move into our house... Hopefully. As of today, there are no floors, no toilets, and no countertops. Good news? Look at our fabulous shower!

There isn't any grout work or faucets yet. But look how sparkly the tile is! The shower floor is river rock...can't wait! I hope I can shower in here by next week. Luckily, my awesome friend Hilari and her  hubby are allowing us to stay at their house until our home is livable.

In other news, I will officially be 31 weeks pregnant tomorrow! EEEK! But my mom came to visit this weekend and made me feel less useless. We got SO much stuff done! She helped me pack up the rest of the apartment, got Owens crib and chair. She helped me pick fabric for my new kitchen benches. We ate amazing Dallas food (which I'm already sad to be moving away from). And we started painting Owens room!

More pictures coming soon! The next month is going to be so fun!

Oh...and Jackson made a full recovery from whatever was wrong. He's back to his silly self : )

Jackson's awake!

For 4 days, my little Jackson slept. I force fed him once a day and carried him outside twice a day for a potty break. He still seems a bit wobbly when he walks and is not interested in playing with his favorite toy "bobo". He is still tucking and arching his back like something's wrong. But he definitely has some energy and personality back today! I don't know if its the antibiotic, the trifexis, or if he got hurt playing with Lola (a lab mix). As long as my crazy dog makes a full recovery, I don't care! 

My dog named Jackson

He's my furchild, when I was single and living alone he was what made me come home early and probably kept me out of trouble LOL.

I bought him at a flea market for a discounted price of $150. He's a Schnoodle ( schnauzer & poodle mix ). I was looking for this breed because I'm actually allergic to dogs. But not Schnoodles! Anything mixed with a poodle takes the gross dander away. BUT...apparently that makes him the most high maintenance dog I've ever known. Jackson is allergic to : vaccinations, regular dog food, fleas, and has severe seasonal allergies. He also has hemorrhagic gastroenteritis which means he can't digest fattening food and has twice nearly died from dehydration and digestive upset. The worst moment ever was around a year ago. His gastroenteritis flared up and it appeared to me that he was giving up. All he would do was lay in the wet grass and stare at me. It was the middle of the night, he'd thrown up probably 30 times and I was a wreck. He was in so much pain, and I could do nothing. Luckily, I got him to the vet at 7am. He got pumped full of fluids and meds and slowly made his way back to being my crazy dog again.

I have no idea how much money I have spent on this dog. His current ailment is his ear infections. I brought him to the vet Wednesday for his shots ( which he requires an IV and catheter ) he also got his ears checked out. Well, he was given trifexis for flea and heart worm prevention, antibiotics for skin irritation, an ear wash, and ear ointment. The ear ointment is impossible to get into his ear holes! My sweet dog BIT me. Not fun. He hates it hates it hates it.

Anyway, he started acting funny yesterday. Not eating, not walking, just sleeping. I called the vet..."it's probably a reaction to the antibiotic." Awesome... Of course.

I have to take him in at 2:00 to get him checked out... I'm not paying those people a penny! I finally got him to eat by sprinkling some broth on his food. But he still isn't walking normal, and still has no energy. How is it possible that a 19 pound dog can have so many problems? I love him so much though, he's my child! Mothers do anything for their children. Right?

Another thing...he hates kids. And he's going to be a big brother in about 2 months. Yay!

D-day...no not delivery! DEMOLITION

The last week was busy! We closed on our house (hooray!), celebrated 2 years of marriage, I started my 3rd trimester, AND demolition started on our house! Current projects include:
Removing wall between living rooms
Entire master bath redo (tub, shower, countertops, faucets, floor and wall tile)
Wall removal to make room for master bath redo
Adding a pocket door for Owen to have access to guest bathroom
Stone fireplace & mantle
Kitchen countertops
Frame in new oven & microwave
Build new pantry
New electrical
Wood laminate floor throughout house
All bedroom closet system installation
New lighting

I think that might be it. Probably not. I'll be honest, I haven't been as involved as I would have liked. But since I'm pregnant...I'm preoccupied. I've been around for the important stuff...like choosing colors and products. The Husband has done an amazing job taking care of making this all happen. Thanks boo : )

Before and during pictures coming soon! After pictures coming later {hopefully 3 weeks from today!}

We shall call him OWEN!

We decided on a name! Gone are the days of Miles, Hays, Jude, Rhys, and all the others. Our baby boy will be named Owen Carter Sullivan. His middle name is my Nana's maiden name. I love his name...and I'm so glad he finally has one. We had some name commitment issues...

Another thing that 27 weeks has introduced are Braxton Hicks contractions. At first I thought that he was just running out of room in there and that's why I felt so much pressure around my belly. But then I noticed that my heart would start racing and I would lose my breath when the pressure came. It doesn't hurt, it's just uncomfortable. Doctor told me to drink more water and rest. I guess I'm a terrible listener though because all I've drank today is coffee, and all I've been doing until now is laundry and packing boxes full of books all day...I'll go get some water now.

6 months of crazy

I'm not good at consistent bloggary. My friend just texted asking for my blog name, and I felt ashamed. Oh well. Here I am :-) So here's what's been up since October 2012. My fourth year of teaching became one of the toughest and maybe most memorable. I had students who came from backgrounds that were heartbreaking and I learned to care for those kiddos like I never knew I could. It was also a school year that I became so very frustrated with some of the politics of teaching. But that will be an ongoing battle. In January the hubby and I decided that we enjoy being poor should rent a house WHILE renting our apartment. Yes that's 2 rents, 2 electric bills, and 2 water bills. We decided to do this because we are BUYING said house in just a couple of weeks!! Woohoo! Since January we have been working our butts off painting nearly every surface of that place. We are redoing our bathroom, kitchen, flooring, adding a fence, taking down some walls. Oh and we totally know what we're doing too. Haha... Before and after pictures coming soon! Also in January, about 2 weeks after we finalized the deal with the house and completed some first time house payments...I found out that I'M PREGNANT! Yes because we think that timing is everything :-) Needless to say, life has been completely out of control and amazing! So I discovered that I was pregnant after a weekend of painting our new house while enjoying cheap beer with the husband. I had some home pregnancy tests in the medicine cabinet because I quit taking my birth control in August and we knew that it was obviously a possibility. I had some strange cramping that didn't feel normal. I hadn't had my monthly ladytime on a regular schedule since quitting birth control pills. I had only had 2 periods in 5 months. So I had no idea if everything was working normal. You know...ovulation or whatever. But YES it was working! And now our first baby is well on HIS way! Due on September 23rd! I've been super lucky and I haven't had any nausea or problems at all since being pregnant. A few aches and pains, but nothing worth complaining about. ( yet ) I still have 100 days to go. Last week at my sonogram we found out that he is about 2 pounds and looking great! He is awake and moving/kicking/wiggling all day long. I don't know if he even sleeps when I sleep. He's going to be an active little boy :-) we haven't decided on a name yet. So on top of buying a house and growing our first child... The last thing to mention is that the house is an hour away from my school. So yes, I'm also job hunting...while pregnant. ( Hubby already found a teaching job near the new house ) Remember, timing is everything :-) I have some serious doubts about a school wanting to hire me right now. My due date is a month after school starts! But, I will not give up...and I might be driving an hour to/from work while I'm 8 months pregnant. No big deal. Life is not easy, but it's a hell of a ride! I'm so excited and nervous about all of the changes that are about to happen. The hubby and I have become closer and happier than ever through these crazy 6 months. Which is a good thing because I think this little boy is about to challenge us and show us even more amazing times.