"the reason for the season"

No, I'm not talking about Jesus. Not exactly anyway. But, I am talking about the bigger, better way to celebrate. Owen is almost 3 months old-he will never remember this years' Christmas. He does not need toys. When people ask "what does Owen want from Santa?" I say, "nothing." Because for 1, I don't think spoiling my child is how you show love, 2 he has no clue it's christmas time, and 3 I don't want my house full of pointless toys. I said this before I even got pregnant. People told me I'd change my mind...guess what? I feel even more strongly about this than ever. But now, not only does my 3 month old need nothing (other than milk and love)...when he's older I already have new traditions in mind. Traditions that will celebrate more than getting gifts or wanting "things." I want to donate, volunteer for those in need, and I want to limit the materialistic wants. (I feel old to say this but,) too many kids these days are too self involved and spoiled. I will buy my child toys...I'm not evil. I just want to LIMIT the toys. I read a blog post that I came on Facebook. The writer does a 3 gift limit with her kids. Something they want, something to wear, and something they need. I think I'll add something to read and a gift from Santa, and still do stocking stuffers. He will still get gifts from grandparents, aunts, and uncles. He'll have gifts...he won't be neglected. My mom thinks I'm crazy. 

Not my fault!

Since I was a kid I was told I was a bossy control freak...mostly by my mom, and a few teachers. Thanks mom. I found a career that being this way isn't such a bad thing. Teachers have to control the chaos and "boss" around small kids (in a loving way). Well...then I left for 11 weeks and all hell broke loose. Everything thing from where the crayons belong to a flipping lesson plan went out the window. These 18 little people learned 1 thing while I was gone- "when I'm at school, I do whatever the F I want" including steal all the school supplies. Seriously, every kid was given a ziplock with 24 crayons before I left, and now not one kid has any! Ummm...did they eat them? WTF

The sub told me that she "didn't make no copies." ...umm I'm sorry does that mean you completely disregarded my 3 inch perfectly organized by weekly dividers binder? Yes...that's exactly what it means. The first semester of kindergarten is usually when the kids "get it" and they know the routine, they know how to work, they can do things on their own. Well thanks to my sub, my kids learned non of that and they do NOT "get it."

I am 50 lessons behind in every subject, they've done no phonics or guided reading. How in the hell do I recover from this? What a great freaking welcome back to work....

Refer to previous blog post...can I please be a stay at home mom now? 

 So, when these kids can't read or write a complete sentence by May...it's not my fault.

Dreams

Even though I went to college, graduated, and started a career as a teacher. Even got a job teaching the level I had always wanted to teach and I think I'm even pretty good at my job. It's not my dream. I always dreamt of being a housewife/stay at home mom. I want to be the mom who bakes cookies on a Tuesday just because. I want to volunteer at my kids school and be in the PTO. I want to have dinner ready for my husband when he gets home. You know, the cliche all American life. That's what I dreamt of. I hate that because of something as stupid as money, it's not possible. I find myself so jealous of stay at home moms. It's my dream job. And it's not one you can buff up your resume and interview for. You can only get that job if you already had enough money to make it work. I don't need much. I don't shop like a lot of women do. I don't get my hair done, or do anything extravagant. I'd love to do those things, of course. Who wouldn't? But it's not the life style I've ever had. My husband doesn't do fancy things either. But this isn't about spending habits. It's about a life that should be attainable. My husband and I both wish I could stay home with Owen. Let's be honest...he wants dinner ready when he gets home too. He works hard, he's a great teacher. When will teachers be respected enough to get paid a salary that could support a family? There are so so many things wrong with this. 

I've cried (and I'm not usually a crier) so much just because I don't get to stay home with him. The last day of my maternity leave is tomorrow. I'm devistated.

What I've learned about being a new mom

I've been a mom for 2 months. It feels like forever and it feels like only seconds. 

#1 Anyone who has a baby is an expert. BUT no one (except me and the hubby) is an expert on MY baby. I heard that to be a new parent you have to learn to take unwanted advice graciously. That was the best advice I've gotten. I've become a pro at in-one-ear-and-out-the-other listening. Just smile and nod and hold back from saying "I'm glad that worked for you, but my kid is not your kid."

I ask for advice when I want it.

#2 Watching your baby get shots and crying bloody murder is harder than labor. 

#3 Hormones are the devil.

#4 Breastfeeding is an absolutely amazing thing to do. It's great for baby and mom. But it's also an extremely lonely task. A task that takes hours and hours of everyday...alone. It's the biggest responsibility I've ever had and it's hard. 

#5 Learn to say no. Friends will still invite you to parties, or to go out. But it's not always practical. For one, I'm broke from doctor bills, and two I have a baby. No, I can't meet you for drinks at 8pm. Some people have a harder time learning this than others. No, I don't want to get a babysitter to go out all night...refer to #4-I have a baby to feed or my boobs will leak everywhere.

#6 Showering doesn't happen everyday.

#7 Owen technically sleeps through the night. (since about 5 weeks) We aren't sleep deprived, and YES, WE KNOW WE'RE LUCKY! :)

#8 Keep your toddlers hands off my baby! And their face out of his face! I've spent way too much time with kindergarteners to believe they have clean hands. Hand sanitizer isn't always enough...

#9 You'll fight with your husband because your tired, hormonal, feeling alone, feeling unsupported, feeling sad, feeling like anything other than yourself. While you're getting to know your new baby, you have to get to know yourself as this new person you've become.

#10 This is the best "club" I've ever joined. Being a mom is something I knew I'd be sometime in my life, but I never knew what it'd be like. I can't wait for a few others to join the mom club. I know some amazing ladies that will make absolutely incredible moms. Their future children are already lucky. The one thing moms want is for everyone else to experience the chaos, and the greatness of having a baby to call yours.