No more pitter patter

The sound of Jackson's nails trotting along our wood floor always annoyed my husband. It never bothered me. I even liked it. Even though it woke me up several times in the past 6 years in the middle of the night. Usually because he was sick. He would find a place to hide as if we wouldn't find out. I don't know why dogs do that; hide when they're sick. It was like he didn't want us to see him that way. Dogs want us to see them at their best. Happy, wagging tail, tongue hanging out, and smiling. That's the way I will remember Jackson. Even though he had much more sick days than most dogs (I assume), he had some great dog days too.

I remember a day when it snowed a crazy amount for Texas. Casey and I took him outside and he ran like he'd never run before. He ran until his little legs were coated in white globs of snow. Or the day I took him to a dog festival in Dallas. He sampled treats and got loved on by strangers all afternoon. Or a simple day with me in the car on a road trip when I gave him fries and ice water. He had a way of making me feel better if I was upset. I would look him in the face and he would lick me right on the nose. He grunted and moaned when you scratched him in the right places. He never took up too much room on the bed. He usually liked his own bed instead. Sometimes, I'd make him cuddle with me before letting him get into his own bed. As soon as he heard you turn the TV off at night he jumped up and grabbed his Bobo. He loved pretzels and carrots, and always trusted me.

This morning, Christmas Eve, Jackson was sick. His diabetes had taken over his body. He was weak, sick, shaking, scared, and ashamed. He tried to hide his weakness. I held him tight and let him know he didn't have to be afraid or scared. We spent the morning with him. Owen brought him every toy he could find. He showed him all of his favorite books and pointed out his favorite parts. We gave him as many hugs as he would let us, but he was in pain. No dog should be in pain. It's the one thing I never wanted for him. After getting his diagnosis last week and hearing about how it could (and likely would) take a fast turn for the worse. I knew I couldn't watch him suffer. Without daily injections of insulin his body would eventually (and did) attack itself. He developed ketosis with is fatal and painful. I held him in my arms as the doctor took his pain away and let him escape the suffering. It was fast and peaceful...and it was horrible. I kept telling him that soon it would all be over and he wouldn't have to worry about hiding his sickness and pain anymore. I could feel his tension and worry leave his body as he drifted off to sleep. I'm so glad he is pain free in doggy heaven; forever healthy. I miss him though. But he will always here. We got to bring him home and bury him in his backyard. We put him right where all the squirrels go.

I've cried just enough or too much. Owen seemed worried about me at some point and hugged me which made me cry more. In many ways it's horrible that it happened on Christmas Eve, but in some ways it's just right.

Rest in peace Jackson. You were so loved and loved us too. Our home is not the same without you in it.

Jackson

10-28-08

12-24-14

Jackson

Jackson was on sale when I bought him. He's half schnauzer, half poodle. A special dog with special problems. I'm actually allergic to dogs. They make my eyes itch and burn like crazy. Jackson was chosen because he is hypoallergenic. I can cuddle him and never even catch a sneeze. However, Jackson is allergic to everything. He needs special food and special care. He also hates kids (except for Owen, they love each other).

Jackson has gastroenteritis. He's vaccine allergic and needs an IV and catheter just to get his yearly shots. He has skin allergies that have caused him to be half bald at one point. He has had bad ear infections and pink eye. He hates my uncle Kellen and no one knows why. He eats our black mulch and then barfs. I'm guessing he does that just because all dogs are a little dumb. His latest diagnosis? Diabetes.

Last week I noticed he was drinking a lot of water. Then, he started wetting his bed and peeing in the house at night. I knew something was wrong. I took him in on Wednesday morning for a drop off appointment. When I told them what was going on, they seemed worried. Knowing that this is my Jackson, I was worried too. The vet and I played phone tag later that day and I finally talked to her around 3:00. She said, "I know this is not something you would have expected to hear, Jackson is diabetic." She went on to explain to me that his blood sugar was somewhere in the 300's and it should only be around 100. She told me about insulin injections, special diets, around the clock monitoring, and finally that euthanization is an option.

I couldn't believe it. My crazy, silly, lazy dog who has already had so many issues is now a diabetic? Euthanization? How do I even make this decision? I cried and I cried. This dog. This 20 pound black dog has been my little sidekick for 6 years. I brought him home as a 4 pound puppy to my studio apartment back when I lived alone. I sneaked him in without paying a pet deposit (dumb decision). I took care of him the best I knew how and he remained by my side through 4 moves, he approved of The Husband when we met (after a few introductions). He's my dog. He's not just a dog.

I'm not giving up on him. I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm trying to get him healthy. He's stayed by me all these years so I owe him this.